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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23366056">Wherever, Whatever</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/angellwings/pseuds/angellwings'>angellwings</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Chicago Fire</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Chicago Fire 8x18 I'll Cover You, Chicago Fire 8x19 Light Things Up, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Idiots in Love, Long, Love, Mutual Pining, One Shot, Speculation, Supportive Matt Casey</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 04:41:01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>8,665</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23366056</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/angellwings/pseuds/angellwings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>[Long One Shot] [Brettsey] [Starts after 8x18] [Spec for 8x19]</p><p>Matt promises to be there for Sylvie after the events of "I'll Cover You" (8x18).</p><p>Snippets from the week between the last episode and Joe and Chloe's wedding.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Sylvie Brett/Matthew Casey</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>44</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>221</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Wherever, Whatever</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>POTENTIAL SPOILERS FOR 8X18 and if you haven't been looking at summaries or promo photos for 8x19 you may want to skip this one too! Sorry!</p><p>At first, I didn't know if I could write a tag for 8x18. It seemed too sad. But THEN I started thinking about Matt being a supportive boyfriend who's not a boyfriend to Sylvie through all of this and how it could bring them so much closer. </p><p>So, here's my take on that. There are 13 segments, done like drabbles (though some of them are much longer than your typical Drabble.) Shout out to the episode title for reminding me of the song I used to inspire the headings and fic title! It just so happened to match a song from a show I love!</p><p>Happy reading!<br/>angellwings</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p> </p><hr/><p>
  <em> “Just slip me on, </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I'll be your blanket. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Wherever, whatever, </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I'll be your coat.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> -”I’ll Cover You” from RENT </em>
</p><hr/><p>
  <em>i. your shelter</em>
</p><hr/><p> </p><p>Matt watches from a distance as Dr. Patchefsky breaks the news to Scott. Sylvie stands in solidarity with the doctor and the look on her face physically hurts him. He drifts a little closer, but still maintains a polite amount of space. He shoves his hands in his coat pockets to fight the urge to reach for Sylvie. Now is not the time — even if it kills him. </p><p>He can just make out Sylvie asking Scott if he’d like to see the baby. She motions to the doors she walked through earlier and places a comforting hand on his arm, but before anything else can be said Scott knocks her hand away with enough force to make Sylvie grimace and then bolts.</p><p>The doctor sighs forlornly and then follows him, leaving Brett standing there alone looking lost and broken. A shaky hand rises to rub the crease between her brows while she sucks in a quivering breath. Matt’s at her side in an instant. </p><p>One of his hands caresses her arm. His other hand wraps gently around her bent elbow. </p><p>“You alright?” He asks. It’s a dumb question. Of course she isn’t.</p><p>“Yeah — I mean, no, but not because of Scott. It’s—it’s a shock. He just needs time. I’m sure of it. They won’t release the baby for a week at least since she’s preterm so surely he’ll—“ her sentence ends abruptly as her face crumples and a few tears escape. “She’s so tiny, Matt. And soft and...<em> very pink</em>.” An almost smile forms on her face and he can’t help but reflect it back at her. “You don’t think he would...leave her, do you?”</p><p>He’d like to say no. No, never. But he knows better than that and so does Sylvie. “I think the three of you are just going to have to take it a day at a time.”</p><p>“But—“ she stops to hiccup through a couple of sobs before regaining a bit of composure. “Julie, wouldn’t want—She would want Scott to raise her. Or—or someone else they’re related to. She would never want her to end up with DCFS—I can’t stand to think of her here all alone.”</p><p>He sees the exact moment words become impossible for her and feels tears stinging his own eyes. He pulls her into his arms and wraps her up in them. She comes eagerly, her hands fisting in his sweater once they come to rest on his back.</p><p>This is unjust. Too tragic. Too sudden. </p><p><em> For everyone</em>.</p><p>“She’s not alone, Sylvie,” he assures her. “She’s got you and I don’t think any kid could dream of a better big sister than you.”</p><p>They stand there, embracing, for several minutes. She’s crying harder than he’s ever heard and leaning so heavily into him that he’s practically holding her upright. Eventually, she lifts her tear stained face from his chest and looks up at him with glistening bloodshot eyes.</p><p>She sniffles and gnaws hesitantly on her bottom lip as if chewing on her words. “Can I ask a favor?”</p><p>“Anything,” Matt swears, earnestly.</p><p>“I want to go see the baby again but I don’t want to do it alone. Will you...will you come with me?” She asks, softly.</p><p>His answer is immediate. “Of course.”</p><p>Sylvie takes a deep breath and swipes her sleeves at her cheeks and then leads him through the doors that head back to the Neonatal ICU. He knows this is standard for prematurely born babies, but after hearing the doctor describe what happened with Julie walking through the NICU is still unsettling. He can’t begin to imagine how it feels for Brett.</p><p>They step into a small room just as a nurse is leaving. The nurse smiles softly at Sylvie and squeezes her arm, but says nothing. There’s a rocking recliner in the corner and another less comfortable looking chair beside it. But otherwise the room is sparse, with only the baby lying peacefully on her compact bed.</p><p>“Hey there, baby sister,” Brett greets softly as she picks her up as carefully as possible. “Your dad’s not quite yet ready to see you yet, but he will be. You’re too beautiful not to love. Hm?” She sniffles and swallows thickly, fending off tears, and then tilts the baby toward him for a better look. She’s right Julie’s baby <em> is </em> beautiful. Even for a wrinkly newborn. “Look at her, Matt. Isn’t she amazing?”</p><p>He smiles warmly at the sight of Sylvie holding her sister. He’s seen her with kids lots of times, but she’s never looked this besotted. He knows this situation is fucked up, but he’s relieved that at the very least she got something miraculous out of it.</p><p>“She is,” he agrees as he leans over Brett’s shoulder for a closer look. “And you’re right. She is <em> very </em>pink.”</p><p>Sylvie releases a short soggy laugh and, for a moment, Matt feels like he’s won. He’s not sure what exactly, but getting a laugh from her at a moment like this is certainly rewarding. </p><p>Brett leans her face toward the baby and nuzzles her nose against the tiniest pink nose he’s ever seen. </p><p>“I guess, for now, it’s just you and me, princess. But don’t worry. I’m not going <em> anywhere</em>.”</p><p>And, god help him, neither is he. </p><p>Sylvie’s going to need help and, just like she made a promise to be there for the baby, he’s vowing to be there <em> for her</em>. She deserves nothing less.</p><p> </p><hr/><p>
  <em> ii. open your door </em>
</p><hr/><p> </p><p>She’s asleep in the rocking recliner. Still wearing her uniform. She looks uncomfortable but he also knows she’s likely too exhausted to care. He checks to make sure the baby is sleeping before he leaves the room. He dials Foster from the NICU waiting room.</p><p>“Casey?” She asks warily. “What’s wrong?”</p><p>Of course she knows something’s wrong. It’s pretty odd he’s calling her. He never does.</p><p>“Something’s happened with Julie. Sylvie hasn’t really had a moment to update anyone and she’s still here in her uniform of all things—“</p><p>“When Matt Casey rambles, I know it’s bad. What happened?” Emily asks cutting off his worried blathering.</p><p>“They were complications. She died on the table and her husband stormed out.”</p><p>“Oh my god, and the baby?”</p><p>He smiles a little at the memory squirming bundle in the NICU. “She’s perfect. Beautiful, even.”</p><p>He hears a sigh of relief and then, “Poor Julie. Poor <em> Sylvie</em>. Does she need anything?”</p><p>“That’s actually why I was calling,” he says with an emotional gulp. “I was wondering if you could grab her a change of clothes? Something comfortable. And I’m not sure if she’s eaten since she’s been here—“</p><p>“Say no more. I’m on my way with clothes and food. I’ll give the 51 phone tree a good shake too,” Emily assures him. “Just be there for our girl, Casey.”</p><p>“I will be,” he replies firmly. </p><p>Emily pauses and he swears he can hear a knowing smile in her voice. “I have no doubt. You guys in the NICU?”</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>“I’ll text you when I get there.”</p><hr/><p>
  <em> iii. i’ll be your tenant </em>
</p><hr/><p> </p><p>“Babe,” Emily says as she sits on the arm of the recliner and wraps an arm around Sylvie’s shoulders. “You really shouldn’t stay here another night. Take a break.”</p><p>“I’m not leaving her alone,” Sylvie says as her eyes drift toward the baby and the shine of unshed tears intensifies.</p><p>“You won’t be,” Matt offers quickly. “I’ll stay.”</p><p>Her eyes flick swiftly to his and her shoulders relax. “Oh, no, Matt, I couldn’t ask you to—“</p><p>“You’re not asking,” he insists. “I’m offering.”</p><p>“Are you sure? I don’t want to get in the way of anything that you have planned or…” her sentence fades as she shrugs helplessly. “Or your life in general, really.”</p><p>“I don’t have anything planned except being here,” he states with a soft crooked smile. “For you and for her.”</p><p>He doesn’t miss the way she sighs in relief and leans into Emily at his reassurances — as if he’s given her full permission to rest. </p><p>“In that case a shower and a little bit of sleep in my own bed might be nice,” she admits with a sheepish grin. “Thank you, Matt.”</p><hr/><p>
  <em> iv. lay at your feet </em>
</p><hr/><p> </p><p>There’s little gurgles and grunts coming from the baby in the middle of the room. She’s been sleeping soundly for a half hour or so, but he knew that wouldn’t last. He’s surprised it lasted this long if he’s honest. He stands to check on her and just as he does a piercing wail full of heart wrenching vibrato fills the room. </p><p>While she was out cold, the nurse had brought in a bottle of formula and left it for when the baby woke up again. He assumes she’s hungry. He pushes back his sleeves and carefully lifts her from the bed. He takes up the rocking recliner where Sylvie had slept for two nights, and swipes the bottle off of the table next to it. </p><p>The minute the plastic nipple hits her lips, she quiets. </p><p>He chuckles and nods. “Thought so,” he tells her. This is the first time he’s held her and he takes the opportunity to really study her. She’s still pink and wrinkly like all little newborns but he can make out Sylvie and Julie’s nose on her tiny face. And were her eyes to ever open long enough he’s certain they’ll be bright blue. “You’re gonna be a little heartbreaker. I can tell. You already look like your big sister.”</p><p>The nurse comes back in. He can’t remember her name so he smiles politely and nods. </p><p>“Just checking in on my favorite patient,” she says as she stands across from him. “You know, it’s very sweet of you to stay with her while your girlfriend gets some sleep. Not many guys would volunteer to hang out with a baby they’re not related to.”</p><p>“Oh, no--Sylvie and I aren’t...we’re just friends,” he says as he awkwardly clears his throat.</p><p>Her brows lift and her eyes widen in a look of amused disbelief. “Right,” she replies with a chuckle. “If you say so. I’ve got to get back to my rounds. Let me know if you need anything.”</p><p>He sighs and glances back down at the baby. She’s already halfway finished with the bottle. It slipped his notice while he was talking to the nurse. “Whoa, okay, hold up,” he tells her as he pulls the bottle away. “You’re gonna make yourself sick, kid.” He props her up a little higher in his arms and flashes her a small amused smile as the grunts and gurgles resume. “Don’t tell your sister the nurse thinks we’re dating, alright? You’ll give me away and I’m having a hard enough time keeping it to myself as it is. Yeah?”</p><p>He laughs quietly at himself and shakes his head. “This is what I’ve been reduced to, confiding in a baby. Get it together, Matt.”</p><hr/><p>
  <em> v. i’ll be there </em>
</p><hr/><p> </p><p>He walks into the Firehouse next shift and is immediately bombarded. 51 really hit the ground running today. First it was Herrmann.</p><p>“Cindy was thinking she’d drop by for a visit. You think that’s okay?”</p><p>“I...um, I’ll have to ask Brett. I’ll get back to you.”</p><p>Then Boden.</p><p>“Donna’s planning to stop by later. You may want to give Brett a heads up.”</p><p>“Will do, Chief.”</p><p>Mouch wasn’t far behind.</p><p>“Trudy’s gonna swing by during her shift. The gang at Intelligence chipped in on a little something for the baby.”</p><p>“Right, and let me guess, you want me to let Brett know?”</p><p>“Yeah, could ya?”</p><p>He bites back a sigh and a bemused chuckle. “Yeah. I’ll handle it.”</p><p>And it didn’t stop there. Gallo pulled him aside to ask if they should pass the boot. He didn’t think that was necessary yet considering everything was very much in the air with the baby, but he told the kid he’d let him know if anything changed. Ritter left a small stuffed dalmatian in his office with a note tied around its neck. And Cruz, of all people, passed along some Cake Pops from Chloe to Sylvie.</p><p>“You couldn’t have given these to her this morning?” He asks with a furrowed brow. “You share an apartment.”</p><p>“Chloe dropped them by the firehouse. I figured you’ll see Sylvie before I do.”</p><p>Cruz doesn’t wait for any more questions before he walks away. Casey stares after him with his mouth dropped slightly open in surprise.</p><p>“You know,” Emily says as she approaches from behind him. “I find it interesting that no one has given <em> me </em> anything to pass along to Sylvie. Why do you think that is, Captain?”</p><p>“Are you asking or are you telling, Foster?” </p><p>“If I ask you’ll just ignore me,” she replies with a dry chuckle. “So I guess I’m telling.”</p><p>He sighs tiredly and turns to face her. “Okay, I’m waiting. Explain it to me.”</p><p>“Maybe it’s because literally <em> everyone </em> can see how close the two of you have gotten and...the way you look at her isn’t exactly <em> subtle</em>,” Emily answers with her hands on her hips. “Just as an FYI.”</p><p>He swallows thickly and avoids Foster’s razor sharp stare. It cuts right through him. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”</p><p>She snorts derisively and smirks at him. “Denial isn’t just a river in Egypt, Cap.”</p><p>He looks up at her with a bored expression and waves her away with his clipboard. “Go away. Don’t you have supplies to inventory or something? Get to work, medic.”</p><p>“I’m going,” she says as she holds her hands up in a placating gesture. “But you know I’m right.”</p><p>Of course she’s right, but that doesn’t mean he’s ready to admit it outloud.</p><p> </p><hr/><p>
  <em> vi. i’ll cover you </em>
</p><hr/><p> </p><p>“Just in time,” Donna says as he walks into the NICU waiting room. “We can trade off as the third person allowed in the room.”</p><p>“I didn’t come here to force you out,” Matt assures her. “I can wait.”</p><p>“No, no,” she tells him. “It’s fine. I need to leave for work anyway.” Donna stops in front of him abruptly and not-so-gently pats his cheek. “You’re a good man, Matt Casey. You being here for Sylvie means a lot to her.”</p><p>He sighs and grins bashfully. “People keep saying that but I don’t think I’m doing anything extraordinary. You’d have to be an extremely cold person to not be there for someone you truly...<em>care </em> about.”</p><p>Donna smirks with mirthful eyes and nods. “You’re right. Men get way too much credit for doing the bare minimum.”</p><p>A dry chuckle escapes him as his expression goes flat. “Funny.”</p><p>Donna laughs quietly and squeezes his shoulder sympathetically. “Cindy’s hogging the baby. You’d better get in there or else Brett will never get her back.”</p><p> </p><hr/><p>
  <em> vii. now i know </em>
</p><hr/><p> </p><p>“She needs a name,” Brett says, pensively. “I was trying to wait for Scott to come around but it’s been four days. I can’t keep calling her ‘princess’ or ‘baby girl’.”</p><p>Casey’s not so sure about that. The more days pass, the more he worries about Brett getting too attached. He’s been there. He knows. It’ll shred a person apart.</p><p>Cindy distracts them by taking a big sniff of the baby’s head. “Oh god, I love that baby smell. I miss when my brood was this little.”</p><p>Sylvie grins crookedly at Cindy and shakes her head. “Do us all a favor and never mention that to Herrmann.”</p><p>Casey snorts and nods his agreement. “<em>Please</em>.”</p><p>“Oh, but look at her! She’s so soft and pink and precious,” Cindy says as she holds the baby to her chest with her head tucked against Cindy’s chin. </p><p>She wriggles her arms and lets out tiny grunts all while a frustrated crinkle appears between her brows. Casey sucks in a breath at the striking resemblance to Sylvie — even in a small wrinkly face.</p><p>“She’s like a velvety soft, light pink wriggling rose,” Cindy coos as she rubs the baby’s back.</p><p>Sylvie immediately straightens, visibly perking up from head to toe. Her smile is warm and bright from an epiphany.</p><p>“That’s it! Rosie! We’ll call her Rosie,” she decrees excitedly. “It’s perfect.”</p><p>Sylvie leaves his side to take Rosie from Cindy and the way she cradles her so closely and presses her cheek to the baby’s forehead tells him all he needs to know. Rosie is in Sylvie’s heart for good now. Never to be removed. His chest clenches and he hopes this works out better for her than it did for him. He’d never wish the pain of losing a child on anyone. </p><p>Least of all Sylvie.</p><hr/><p>
  <em> viii. a new lease </em>
</p><hr/><p> </p><p>“Can I ask you something?” Sylvie asks him softly while the baby sleeps.</p><p>Cindy left a while ago, but she left them a tray of her famous brownies to share. They’re digging in while they have a break. </p><p>“Of course,” he replies, spearing another bite of brownie onto his fork.</p><p>“Do you think I could do it? Raise Rosie, I mean? You know, if Scott never gets it together,” she wonders aloud before apprehensively tucking her hair behind her ears. </p><p>“Of course you could,” he answers easily. “I’ve seen you with kids. You’d make a great mom.”</p><p>“I know it’s crazy,” she says as her distracted stare drifts over to the baby. “But I’ve been thinking about it. About her and what happens if Scott never comes back.”</p><p>“You’d want to adopt her?” He asks, trying to keep his neutrality as much as possible.</p><p>“Yes. I’ve been the little girl who never really knew where she came from and I just can’t...I can’t put her through that. I know it sounds strange coming from me because…” she pauses and presses a hand to her mouth while she fights off tears. “Because I was one of the lucky ones. I found an amazing family who loves me like crazy and I <em> should </em> have faith the same will happen for her but...how can I take that chance when I <em> already </em> love her like crazy?”</p><p>He puts his fork down in the tin and then brings a hand to rest on Sylvie’s back. He skims it up and down, stopping every so often to knead at the tense muscles in her shoulder blades.</p><p>“Like I said, you’d make a great mom, Sylvie. You have a lot of love to give. I see it every day at work,” he says encouragingly. “But is this what <em> you </em> want or is it what you think Julie would want?”</p><p>“She deserves to grow up knowing her parents names, Matt. She needs someone around to tell her about her mom,” Sylvie says as she leans into his touch. Her voice goes quiet and her chin stiffins like they had when the doctor told her Julie’s fate. Her eyes are misty and mournful. He <em> hates this </em> for her. He wishes he could take it all on for her, but he knows he can’t. She blinks as she continues and a few tears trail over her cheeks. “To tell her how much Julie loved her and how excited she was to watch her grow up. She needs to know that Julie didn’t want to leave her. I don’t want her to go to someone who can’t tell her that. I want her to know that she’s been loved from the very beginning. If Scott won’t make sure of that...then I will.”</p><p>His own eyes are watering by the time she finishes it. If it’s what she really wants then he won’t try to talk her out of it, but he wouldn’t be a good friend if he didn’t first make sure she’d looked at all the angles.</p><p>“It’ll change your whole life,” he advises. “And doing this by yourself...Sylvie, are you absolutely certain?”</p><p>She nods and wipes at her wet cheeks with the back of her hand. “I know it’ll change my life, but...I’ve always wanted to be a mother. I just thought I had a few more years. Though you and I know better than most, life rarely works out the way we plan, right?”</p><p>Truer words have never been spoken. “More often than not, yeah.”</p><p>“Bottom line, I want what’s best for her, and that’s not some stranger who never knew Julie,” she says with a sad sigh.</p><p>He moves his hand from her back to squeeze her shoulder and intently meets her eyes with a steady gaze. “Then I’ll help you. Anyway I can, however <em> you </em> want. I’m here. For you and for Rosie.”</p><p>She brings her hand to rest over his as her eyes water with gratitude. “Thank you, Matt. Everything is so <em> uncertain </em> right now.” A shy smile forms on her lips as she continues. “Everything but <em> you</em>. You have no idea what that means to me.”</p><p>“I couldn’t be here for you if you didn’t <em> let me</em>, Sylvie. I’m just glad you’ve let me in,” he says honestly with an anxious inhale. “That’s just as important.”</p><p>“I texted you for a reason. There’s no one else I’d rather let in on my life than you,” she assures him. “Truly.”</p><p>He smiles at that admission and feels the warmth of her trust spread through his chest. It’s an intensity of affection that he hasn’t felt in quite some time. It’s been building for longer than he cares to admit. He’s very quickly approaching a tipping point. He can’t rest on his laurels forever. Eventually, what he feels will overflow into action. Deliberately or not.</p><p>The question is...what happens with Sylvie when it does? Is this what she wants too? Is she struggling to hold her feelings at bay like he is? She’s so kind and caring that it’s often hard to tell. </p><p>She squeezes his hand and then breaks their eye contact with a blush. She forks another bit of brownie with a grin. “We need to finish these before Trudy and Mouch get here. Or else we won’t get any of them.”</p><p>Matt laughs and picks up his fork. “Good point. We should get to work.”</p><hr/><p>
  <em> ix. on life </em>
</p><hr/><p> </p><p>“Scott.”</p><p>His name is deadpanned. He’s sure it’s the shock. He and Sylvie left to get a coffee while Foster and Kidd kept an eye on Rosie. When they got back they found a lone bedraggled looking figure pacing in the waiting room.</p><p>“Sylvie,” he says, Adam's apple bobbing as he gulps.</p><p>“I’ve been trying to call you for days—“</p><p>“I know,” he says, urgently cutting her off. He runs a hand over his stubbled chin before he explains. “I couldn’t—it was too much.”</p><p>Sylvie goes silent and stiff. There’s a coldness emanating from her that Matt’s never witnessed before.</p><p>“You weren’t the only one who lost someone. You don’t think I felt like it was ‘too much’?” </p><p>At the sound of her frigid tone, Matt places his hand on the small of her back — attempting to soothe her.</p><p>She closes her eyes and breathes deeply. As a result, her tone softens.</p><p>“You have a <em> daughter</em>. A defenseless baby daughter. She needed you, and you just...<em>you left</em>,” Sylvie points out to him with narrowed eyes. </p><p>Matt can’t say he blames her for being wary. Or protective. He’s feeling both those things himself.</p><p>“I needed some time,” he pleads. “I wouldn’t have been any good to her. I—I could barely even look at <em> you</em>, let alone <em> her</em>.”</p><p>He spots a near imperceptible wince fly across Sylvie’s face. That comment stung. He knows it did. Her breathing becomes heavier, as if she’s trying to keep herself in check. Casey decides to give her a break.</p><p>“How do we know you won’t take off again?” Matt asks him with a stern glare. “Because if you don’t plan to stick around, you may as well go.”</p><p>“I can’t make any promises,” he replies honestly. “I don’t know what I’m going to do or if I can raise her without...without Julie. She was the more patient one — more affectionate, more giving. More <em> everything</em>. I’m a rash impatient control freak. I—I don’t have any business raising a child on my own. I don’t want to take her only to hurt her. Surely, you can understand some part of that! Raising a child with a partner I could handle but by myself?” </p><p>He doesn’t answer his own question but the beseeching look in his eyes cracks Matt’s defenses. He’s had those doubts. The Darden boys were thrust upon him suddenly and he often wondered what the hell he was doing and whether or not it was best. Sure, leaving was a dick move but...it was human.</p><p>“Maybe,” Scott says as he angles himself exclusively toward Sylvie. “You could take the baby? You’re so much like Julie. The baby—“</p><p>“Rosie,” Sylvie corrects him as she looks away from him with watery eyes. “Her name is Rosie. And don’t...don’t you dare dangle that in front of me unless you’re sure.” Her voice is quiet but hard. She crosses her arms over her chest defensively before speaking again. “She’s beautiful and perfect and I love her with my whole heart so if you…if you offer me that and change your mind I will never survive it.”</p><p>“Then...what—what do you suggest I do?” He asks helplessly.</p><p>“Come see her,” Sylvie offers. “Hold her. Once you do I’m certain you’ll never want to let her go.”</p><p>He considers that for a long tense moment and then flashes the first smile, albeit a small one, Matt’s ever seen from the older man.</p><p>“Julie would have liked that name,” he tells them. “Rosie. She wouldn’t let me suggest names. She—she said she wanted to see her first.”</p><p>Sylvie cracked a smile at the thought. “I remember. I couldn’t believe she didn’t even have a top ten.”</p><p>“That was Julie. She was all heart,” Scott says wistfully. “I don’t know what I’m going to do, Sylvie. I miss her.”</p><p>Sylvie’s chin quivers and a single tear falls down her cheek. Matt reaches over and takes her hand, squeezing it encouragingly. </p><p>“I miss her too,” she confesses. “You can miss her and still be there for Rosie. I know it sounds difficult but once you see her...you’ll get it. I <em> know </em> you will.”</p><p>“Okay,” he agrees, his voice cracking over the word. “Yes. <em> Please</em>. Take me to my daughter.”</p><p>Sylvie straightens her posture and unfolds her arms with a fortifying breath. She releases Matt’s hand to wave toward the double doors. “She’s just through here.”</p><p>Matt hangs back. This should be something just between the three of them. Rosie and her family. He knows this is hard on Sylvie but he knows she’ll do what’s best for everyone. She’s too good and too considerate to be selfish. Not when it comes to a child and a parent. That bond is sacred and no one understands that better than her.</p><p>No, she doesn’t need him right now, but he’s sure as hell not going anywhere. He’ll wait right here until she comes back out. Whenever that is.</p><hr/><p>
  <em> x. i’ll be your castle </em>
</p><hr/><p> </p><p>Foster and Kidd left hours ago, but Matt is still sitting right where Brett left him. </p><p>He’s not sure what state she’ll be in or what decisions are being made in the NICU room. It almost makes him forget why he hung back in the first place. His leg is bobbing up and down as he sits in a stiff waiting room chair. He’s a millisecond away from charging back there to check on them when the double doors open.</p><p>Sylvie steps through, alone. She stops and lets the doors fall closed while she takes in a steadying breath. Her eyes land on him and her brow furrows in confusion. As she steps closer, he can make out tears shining around her crystal blue irises.</p><p>“You’re still here?” She asks in surprise. “Matt, it’s been forever since I took him back there.”</p><p>“I wasn’t going to leave without finding out what’s going on,” he states, feeling like that should be obvious by now. </p><p>“He’s in,” she says with a thick swallow. “I didn’t have to work too hard to convince him once he had her in his arms. He’s got a lot to figure out but he’s definitely keeping her. And he and I straightened some things out too. There’s been some tension there from the very beginning and Julie never liked that. And I made him promise to let me babysit every now and then.”</p><p>Once the words are out of her mouth she pastes on a smile, but he sees right through it.</p><p>“It’s good!” She says with false brightness. “It’s all very good.”</p><p>“Sylvie…” He doesn’t bother finishing his statement. His disbelief is obvious in his tone.</p><p>She fiddles with her watch band and bites her lip. “Really, I’m fine.”</p><p>“Just because it’s <em> good </em> doesn’t mean you have to be <em> okay</em>,” Matt tells her. “You can admit that.”</p><p>“Really? So it doesn’t make me a terrible big sister or a bit of an idiot to admit that a part of me was hoping he wouldn’t come back?” She asks in a weak voice. “And that I might get to keep her?”</p><p>He can see the sadness and the shame in her expression and he knows exactly how she feels. He holds her gaze as he answers her. He wants to make sure she hears every word he’s about to say to her. “No, that means you love her. It means you’re human and you care. Thinking a few selfish thoughts is different than actually being selfish. Rosie is the luckiest kid in the world to have you on her side. That will never change -- no matter where she is or who she’s with. The fact that you wanted to give her a home as badly as you did says a lot about how compassionate you are. You should never feel badly about that. Ever.”</p><p>She closes her eyes as he finishes and nods. Her eyes remain closed as she slumps in her seat. He gets the impression she’s processing his words. Her head falls onto his shoulder as she blows out a shaky sigh. “I just want her to be happy and safe. That’s all I want.”</p><p>“Then that’s all that matters,” he assures her as he dares to take her hand in his. </p><p>She adjusts their hands to interlock their fingers and then squeezes gently. “Thank you, Matt.”</p><p>“Anytime, Sylvie.”</p><hr/><p>
  <em> xi. i’ll be your moat </em>
</p><hr/><p> </p><p>He hasn’t really seen or heard from Sylvie, aside from a stray text message here or there, since he left the hospital a couple of days ago. She’s been busy watching Rosie while Scott makes Julie’s final arrangements. She went back to Rockford with him after Rosie was released from the NICU. He and Julie have a large group of family and friends in Rockford. It didn’t make sense to have her funeral in Chicago.</p><p>Sylvie promised Chloe she’d be back in time for the wedding. Matt has no doubt she will be. She’s always true to her word. But in the meantime, he’s a little embarrassed to admit, he misses her. They’ve spent a lot of time together over the last week. He’s seen her nearly every day. Not seeing her for longer than the length of one shift, it turns out, is hard for him.</p><p>He’s headed back to his quarters after roll call when his phone rings. He grins eagerly as Sylvie’s name and picture lights up the screen.</p><p>“Hey,” he says as he steps into his quarters and closes the door behind him.</p><p>“Hey,” she repeats. She sounds chipper, for someone who spent the day before at a funeral and a wake. “How are things there?”</p><p>“Uh, well,” he says as he looks toward the ceiling and tries to recount the goings on at 51. “Cruz is losing it. Stella’s doing her best to fill your shoes and keep him from panicking. Some guys are lurking around trying to shut down the firehouse -- pissing off Boden and Severide. And Foster is trying not to murder Chout.”</p><p>She laughs. “So, business as usual then?”</p><p>“Business as usual, yeah,” he agrees with a chuckle. “What about you? How are things there?”</p><p>“Oh, well, you know, taking it one day at a time,” she tells him with a tired sigh. “Nothing else to do, really.”</p><p>“How’s Rosie?” He asks, deciding to change the subject to something guaranteed to cheer her up. </p><p>Her exhaustion is instantly replaced by warmth and affection. “Adorable, getting chubbier by the minute. Which only makes her that much more adorable. Scott’s mom is really great with her. His entire family is, actually. They already love her to pieces.” There’s a pause where the mood suddenly sobers. He’s not sure why or what could have provoked it. Not until she speaks again, in a voice that sounds close to tears. “He’s staying here.”</p><p>He feels his brow fold inward in concern. “What?”</p><p>“He’s decided not to move to Chicago.</p><p>“Did he say why?” Casey asks.</p><p>“The office here is going to let him reduce his hours and his family is here. He has more people to help him than just me. It’s all very logical and will be great for both him and Rosie so I get it but…”</p><p>“It means you’ll see her less often,” Matt finishes for her.</p><p>Her only reply is a resigned sigh.</p><p>“Rockford is only an hour away,” he reminds her. He understands her disappointment but there’s still plenty of hope to be found. “Maybe you won’t be able to just call him up and come over, but you’ll still be able to see her. That’s too long for a cab ride but not so far away that it can’t be done.”</p><p>There’s a pause and then finally she speaks. “True. That won’t keep me from missing her, though.”</p><p>“Well, I don’t know that any amount of distance can do that,” Matt tells her with a soft smile. “Unless you keep her on your hip all day long.”</p><p>“Hey! There’s an idea! You think I can get a car seat in the Ambo?”</p><p>Her brightness is back. He’s relieved to hear it as he laughs softly at her. “No. Unfortunately, I don’t think so.”</p><p>“Bummer,” she replies. “I thought I had something there.”</p><p>They fall into a comfortable silence. It’s quiet but not oppressive. He likes it.</p><p>“Hey, Matt?”</p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>“I rode up here with Scott and since he’s not coming back, I was wondering--”</p><p>“You need a ride?” He asks immediately.</p><p>“Would you mind terribly?”</p><p>“I don’t mind at all. Plus, it gives me another chance to see Rosie. Pick you up in the morning? I can head that way after shift.”</p><p>“I would love that. Thank you.” There’s an abrupt loud noise in the background which causes Sylvie to chuckle dryly. “I should go. Scott’s dog just busted into Rosie’s room. He’s determined to keep watch. Which is cute, but I just got her to sleep and I’d like her to stay that way. I’ll see you in the morning.”</p><p>“See you in the morning,” he agrees as they both hang up. </p><p>Did he just agree to drive an hour immediately after shift purely for the sake of seeing Sylvie? Yes, he did. Does he regret it? Hell, no. Will Severide give him hell for it? Fuck yes.</p><p>But the part of him that’s been longing to see her for the last 48 hours doesn't give a shit. He’d drive further than that to get to her if he had to. Without question.</p><hr/><p>
  <em> xii. long to discover </em>
</p><hr/><p> </p><p>“Thank you for the ride, Matt,” Sylvie says as they stop in front of her apartment door.</p><p>He watches as she unlocks the door, keeping a hold of her duffle strap on his shoulder. “You don’t need to thank me. I was happy to do it.”</p><p>She opens the door and then turns to face him with a bashful smile. “And thank you for everything else you’ve done for me lately. I’ve been pretty needy this week.”</p><p>“It’ll be my turn to be needy next time,” he says with a teasing grin. “I’m sure you’ll pay me back when the time comes.”</p><p>“I’d like that,” she admits. “To be there for you when you need someone.”</p><p>Their eyes meet and they share a look of fondness. “I’d like that too.”</p><p>“Do you have time to come in? For a coffee maybe? I don’t want to hold you up if you had plans or--”</p><p>“No plans,” he assures her. “I’d love a coffee.”</p><p>“Great!” She exclaims with a nervous laugh. “Come on in.” Once they cross the threshold she takes her duffle bag from him with a quick thank you. He closes the door behind him as they walk further into the apartment. “Make yourself comfortable. I’m just gonna dump this off in my room.”</p><p>He could sit down on the couch and leave it at that but he’s not helpless. He knows how to work a coffee maker. Everything in their kitchen is easy to locate so by the time Sylvie returns the pot is already brewing.</p><p>“Oh! Thanks! You didn’t have to do that,” she tells him. </p><p>“I wasn’t doing anything else so...why not?” He asks her with a crooked anxious grin.</p><p>Silence descends. It’s not comfortable like their phone call yesterday. It’s tense as if they’re both waiting for someone to break the ice. Sylvie shifts passed him to get to a particular kitchen cabinet. </p><p>He clears his throat and watches as she pulls down two mugs. “So, how are you...<em> really</em>?”</p><p>She glances at him out in her peripherals before turning to face him with her hip propped against the counter. “Well, it’s been a hell of a week. That’s for sure. I’ve felt so many things this week that I’m not sure where to start.”</p><p>He nods in understanding and thinks about how to address that. “Okay, that’s fair. How about...how are you feeling right now -- in this moment?”</p><p>“In this moment I’m--” She stops, chews on the inside of her cheek, and then says, “Hopeful. Which is a nice change from this time last week. Or even a few days ago when Scott showed up out of the blue.”</p><p>She looks away from him and out over the empty apartment. “I spent this week taking care of someone else. Being needed. This, <em> being here </em>, feels so...empty right now. If that makes any sense.”</p><p>He thinks about his first week without the Darden boys or that first manic night without Louie. There’s only one way to respond and keep his honesty. “It makes perfect sense.” He lifts a shoulder in feigned carelessness. “I’ve been exactly where you are.”</p><p>“Louie,” she doesn’t ask because she already knows.</p><p>He swallows down his fears and insecurities in order to keep talking. He wants to tell her. He wants her to understand. “Yes, but not just Louie. I don’t know if you ever heard--you’ve heard about Darden, haven’t you?”</p><p>“A few stories here and there. He sounds like he was quite the charmer,” Sylvie tells him with a wan smile.</p><p>“He was,” Matt replies with an amused smirk. He sobers quickly, though, and tries to get back to his point. “He had two boys and some tragic things happened with his wife. Long story short, I ended up the guardian of his sons for a while. It was one of the best, most exhausting periods of my life. Eventually, their mom came back and moved them all to Florida for a fresh start. I don’t hear from them much these days. They’re older. They have their own lives. That’s fine. But that first week without them -- Sylvie, it hurt just as much as giving up Louie. They’d become a part of my purpose, and then...all of a sudden <em> they weren’t anymore.</em>”</p><p>Her breath catches in her throat and her hand wraps around one of his as it rests at his side. He tightens his fingers around hers -- needing her support more than he initially realized. </p><p>“So, I know,” he reveals. “Better than anyone else. I <em> get </em> what you’re going through right now. And I’m not going to pretend it’ll be easy to get past it but, it’ll get better. Slowly but surely, it’ll get easier. Hopefully quicker for you than for me.”</p><p>“Oh, Matt, I’m--so sorry. This whole week you had to have been remembering hurtful things--I didn’t know.”</p><p>She looks so guilty and he can’t let that stand. She didn’t do anything wrong.</p><p>He uses his grip on her hand to pull her toward him before she can walk away. (He knows that’s what’s coming next.) His head bows just enough to force his eyes back into her line of sight. “How could you have, Sylvie? I don’t talk about it. With anyone. Or I haven’t in a while, at least. Not in <em> years </em> . And if I really had a problem with it, I wouldn’t have stuck around. But I did. I’m <em> still </em>here, in fact. Right now.”</p><p>Her free hand comes up to cup his jaw and she allows her thumb to trace a soft line across his cheek. “Yes, you are,” she tells him with an amazed and thankful stare. “And I couldn’t have gotten through any of this without you.”</p><p>Her hand on his cheek feels as warm as the sun -- like he’s standing in a window in the summertime. It’s the first time she’s touched his face like this and he doesn’t want her to stop. </p><p>He closes his eyes and leans into her touch as he speaks, “Yes, you could have.”</p><p>Jesus, that feels fantastic. It’s a level of comfort that he hasn’t felt in far too long. He’s afraid if he opens his eyes, he’ll ruin it. So, he doesn’t. If this is some sort of day dream then he wants to hold onto it for as long as possible.</p><p>“Okay, maybe I could have,” she concedes as he feels her warmth shifting closer. His body meets hers halfway without much prompting. It seems his instinct is to get as close to her as possible. By the time she finishes her thought, he can feel his chest brushing against hers. “But I’m glad I didn’t have to.”</p><p>Everything after that is fuzzy. Probably because his heart was beating against his ribcage and he could hear his blood rushing through his veins. The hissing white noise combined with the thumping of his pulse in his ears blocked out almost every bit of lead up they had. Before he even realized he’d been leaning in, his lips found hers. </p><p>It was a searching kiss, at first. Questioning. But after a moment, when it’s clear neither of them feel any kind of qualms about it, it deepens. They transition from searching to <em> discovering</em>. What was hesitant is now confident. </p><p>Their hands wander. Brett’s over his sweater clad chest and his go up her sides and around her back. He wraps his arms around her and tugs her forward until she’s flush against him. He changes the angle of the kiss to accommodate their new position and in response Sylvie releases a wanton whimper into his mouth. </p><p>It’s phenomenal. Everything about this kiss is incredible. Sylvie knows what she’s doing and the way she responds to him is…<em> addictive. </em> It’s a cycle of push and pull, give and take. An excruciating kind of pleasure that stirs up the most primal parts of him. Kissing her is making him greedy. He wants more. All she can possibly give him. She seems happy to oblige and in turn he pours everything he has into her as well. </p><p>
  <em> Push and pull. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Give and take. </em>
</p><p>Their oxygen supply is getting a little low, though. They won’t be able to keep this up much longer. A second later they part. They share a look and a breath before the reality of what just happened hits them.</p><p>They kissed. </p><p>They kissed and it was <em> fucking </em>amazing.</p><p>But maybe…</p><p>Maybe their timing isn’t the best. </p><p>There are a lot of emotions floating between them right now. Especially after that last conversation. They’re both a bit tightly wound. Her from fresh wounds and him from old ones. So as much as he’s eager to delve into what <em> the fuck </em> just happened and why, he doesn’t. </p><p>For her part, Sylvie looks flushed, kiss swollen, and embarrassed. Her normally bright eyes are dark with desire, but still an apologetic wince flits across her pretty features. “Shit. Matt, I am so sorry! That really wasn’t the moment for that. I shouldn’t have—“</p><p>She’s about to apologize for kissing him and he’s not about to hear it.</p><p>“Stop, Sylvie,” he tells her with a fond chuckle. “It wasn’t all you. Trust me, it takes two people who are equally enthusiastic to kiss <em> like that </em>.” He reaches out and tucks a loose golden strand of hair behind her ear. “If I’m honest, I’ve been wanting to do that for a long time now.”</p><p>“Really?” She asks, looking pleasantly surprised.</p><p>He’s done too good a job of keeping it to himself if she seems surprised. “Really.”</p><p>He should go.</p><p>Before he dives back in for another kiss. It’s so damn tempting. He can see she’s thinking about it too by the way her gaze drops to his mouth. Yeah, it’s time to go. The longer he stays the more at risk they are of taking this further than they should. If this is actually going to happen with Sylvie then he doesn’t want to rush it.</p><p>“You know,” he says as he points to the coffee maker. “I think I’ll take a rain check on that coffee. I’d love to stay but if I do I don’t think I’d be able to keep my hands to myself for very long. And like you said, this isn’t really the moment for that. I don’t want what might be happening with us confused with anything else.”</p><p>He expects hurt or disappointment but what she gives him a coy smile.</p><p>“So, there is something happening?” She asks.</p><p>He scans her face and breathes a sigh of relief at the obvious interest he finds in her expression. “I hope so.”</p><p>She blushes and nods as her smile widens. “Then you’re absolutely right. We should take a little time in our separate corners. I don’t want there to be any <em> confusion </em> either.” A quiet dry laugh slips out before she speaks again. “Especially since tomorrow’s the wedding and you’re sort of walking me down the aisle.”</p><p>“That’s right, I remember,” he states with a slow grin. “I’m looking forward to it.”</p><p>It’s the truth. Being in forced proximity with Sylvie Brett never feels forced and is always enjoyable.</p><p>“Me too,” she replies. “Very much.”</p><p>They trade easy lingering smiles before he turns and heads for the door. Tomorrow is a new day and should give them both plenty of time to clear the fog -- to decide what they really want. </p><p>He <em> knows </em> what he wants. He has no doubts. But Sylvie needs to be sure. She said herself that she’s had a hell of a week. It’s best for both of them to give their feelings time to breathe. Even if a part of him hates it. There’s a chance she could rethink that kiss completely. There’s also a chance she could decide that’s all they’d ever have. It’s a risk to walk away from her now, but it’s also the right thing to do.</p><p>He wants to be certain that she’s in this as deeply as he is. No, not just wants. <em> Needs. </em> He’s been the more invested party in a one sided relationship. Keeping that relationship going took far too much out of him. He can’t do that again. He needs an equal partner. Someone who’ll walk instep with him, not ahead or behind. </p><p>That person might be Sylvie, but if it’s not then he needs to know now. </p><p>This is how he finds out.</p><hr/><p>
  <em> xiii. as true as this </em>
</p><hr/><p> </p><p>Joyful. It’s the perfect word for today.</p><p>Everything about today is joyful.</p><p>His work family. Their families. <em> Sylvie. </em></p><p>She’s all smiles, like everyone else. Honest smiles too. Not forced or false like she tried to give him a few times last week. Her real smile encourages his own. It’s a good day. It’s been a little while since 51 has had a genuine happy occasion to celebrate. </p><p>He’ll have to thank Chloe someday for choosing that particular bridesmaid’s dress. It’s perfect for Sylvie. The dark blue strappy dress with the plunging neckline compliments every part of her. He’s absolutely thrilled by the view and the fact that he’s the one that gets to walk her down the aisle.</p><p>They haven’t had much time to talk so far today. They’ve just finished all the pre wedding photos. Cruz and Severide are on their way to the front of the church, Chloe is just about to come out of hiding, and the bridal party is moments away from lining up.</p><p>He shores up his nerves and finally takes the initiative to approach her.</p><p>He smiles warmly and gives her a weak wave. “Hi.”</p><p>“Hi,” she calls back, giving him a head-to-toe once over. “You look very handsome.”</p><p>He clears his throat and feels slight heat on his cheeks and the tips of his ears. “Thank you. So do you.” He winces. “Um, not handsome but -- uh -- <em> beautiful</em>. That’s what I meant to...you look beautiful.”</p><p>She chuckles and grins at him in amusement. “Thank you.”</p><p>“Ready?” He asks as his hand reaches for the small of her back, ready to guide her toward the rest of the party.</p><p>“Wait, Matt,” she says, turning to face him. The way she angles herself leaves his hand gently cupping her elbow. She doesn’t seem to mind so he doesn’t remove it. He raises his eyebrows at her in a nonverbal gesture to hopefully indicate his interest. She glances down and away before shyly meeting his eyes again. “I know now isn’t the time, but at some point before today ends I was hoping we could talk? Maybe try that kiss again?”</p><p>He smirks slowly and crookedly before nodding. “We can try that kiss as many times as you want,” he says with a wolfish glance. “As long as that really is what you want?”</p><p>She nods, steps as far into his space as she can, and then loops her arm through his. “Trust me, there’s no further risk of...<em> confusion</em>.” A kiss is pressed to his cheek followed by a soft laugh as she wipes the lipgloss away with her thumb. “I want to give us a try if you do.”</p><p>He covers her hand with his as it rests on the crook of his arm and meets her eyes with a smile he’s sure looks foolishly giddy. “Yes. For sure, yes.”</p><p>“Great,” she says brightly. “Then consider yourself my official wedding date.”</p><p>He laughs and nods decisively. “Gladly.”</p><p>This is not where he saw the week going when it began, but he’s not going to question it or fight it. He cares deeply about Sylvie and there’s no reason to deny it any longer. They deserve to be happy with someone who makes them feel safe -- who has the ability to provide shelter in a storm. He honestly thinks Sylvie could be what he’s been looking for all this time; A partner for anything. Wherever, whatever. </p><p>Who’s to say they won’t find all the happiness and safety they need in each other? They’ll never know if they don’t try.</p><p>And <em> now </em> is the perfect time to try.</p>
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